Infinite Stupidity

This story is inspired by the song ‘Eli The Barrow Boy’ by The Decemberists. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that it’s a fanfiction though. A youtube embed to the song is posted at the end for your benefit

My old buddy Eli was a pretty hard working guy.
Continue reading ‘Eli, the Barrow Boy’

Some of these aren’t necessarily going to have been released in 2009, just that I’ve seen them this year. Plus I can’t really be arsed sorting these into any real order, just know that they are the five that gave me the most pleasure. Without further ado:

1) Låt den rätte komma in (Let The Right One In) (2008).
This is most likely one of the greatest vampire films made. A love story, in a way, involving a young boy and the female vampire he ‘befriends’. There’s no sparkling vampires here, and basically no cliches as usually befit the genre. What you do get, however, is a story of a outcasted boy, one who dreams of killing those who make life such a horror for him, meeting someone who, surprisingly enough, treats him as an equal. It’s touching, at the same time as it is brutal. Near perfect cinema.

2) (500) Days of Summer (2009)
So, this movie is cute. Really cute. And it’s almost a typical indie pop type movie, with the clumsy guy and the really cute, out there girl, and dropped names of some classic, though cult, band that make some of the audience go “hey, I love them!”. I like this sort of movie cause I’m a real dork. But the reason it’s on my list is more because it really struck a note for me. Almost everyone’s been in a situation where they have feelings for someone that aren’t reciprocated, so I’m guessing that quite a few people would enjoy this. Gordon-Levitt’s character went through all the emotions I went through at the time, and I saw a mirror there (though, of course, polished up by the typical Hollywood magic).

3) Watchmen (2009)
Nowhere near a perfect film, and I recognise its faults, though it’s just so good you overlook them. Sure, some of the musical choices are questionable (Leonard Cohen, anyone?), and there is a little too much blue wang, especially as the graphic novel only felt it necessary to include it once, but I laughed all of that away and just watched it, dammit. Snyder took a few liberties, amping up the violence (the alleyway scene is brutal as hell), and changing the ending (for the better in my opinion. The original ending works damned well in comics, but would look damned silly on film). In all I think most of the changes he made merely worked it into something that did work on film, without removing what made the original great. I was never too fussed by the removal of the Black Freigher sequences, as I wasn’t a huge fan of them in the comic. The only thing that annoyed me was the change to Rorschach’s “fall from grace”, though I can see that the lowest common denominators in the audience would bitch about it “ripping off Saw”. Meh, who cares. See it if you’ve got a few spare hours.

4) World’s Greatest Dad (2009)
The title really makes it sound terrible, and that’s before you hear that it stars Robin Williams and was directed and written by Bobcat Goldthwait. Give it a watch though. It’s a blackly comedic look at how a little lie can turn a terrible incident into the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Williams shows that he’s a damned good actor when he’s not trying to be funny (much like Jim Carrey can be). Well worth a viewing.

5) Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (2008)
Ok, so I might get a little stick for this one. I like it. It’s goofy, it’s a little stupid, and it’s far too cute. But hey, it works. Probably my favourite use of Michael Cera (ok, does he actually act, or do directors just put him in front of a camera and he gets shy and awkward?) The less I say about this the better I guess.

So I finally broke down and got an iPhone. It took me a while since I was waiting for the cost to come down and the plans to be worth it here. Am I glad of the purchase? Oh fuck yes.

I’ve only had it for a few days but it’s already made things easier for me and helped me stay connected to things. I can check facebook on my breaks at work, twitter when I actually think of something and keep in touch in more ways when i’m not at home. I probably don’t need to tell you about everything it can do.

Hell, right now I’m typing this on it. It’s helping me to write things when they come to mind instead of having to wait till I get home and can hit a pc or whatever. Hopefully you’ll all hear from me a little more often now.

Novikov self-consistency principle – A theory stating that if a traveler through time (outside of the Many-Worlds interpretation) could create a paradox (by killing their own ancestor, for example), the probability of that event happening is zero. IE, a person could not go back in time to kill Hitler, as a paradox would be created where the person would find no need to go back in time to kill Hitler, as he has already been killed. Therefore, anything that a future time-traveler will decide to do in the past has already happened as part of the timeline, for example, the time traveler has failed to kill Hitler in the past already.

I’m sitting on my front porch with a cigarette and a glass of wine, and I feel disconnected. Not too bad at the moment, but still slightly wrong somehow. I know that as soon as I leave my house, it’ll get worse.

I lost my cellphone today.

There’s something kind of gratifying about being able to get in touch with someone wherever you are. Knowing that it doesn’t matter if you’re at work, on the bus, doesn’t matter where, if someone has something important to tell you they can call you or flick you a badly written/spelt message.

I mean, it’s not as if it were a good cellphone. It’s a bit battered, totally cheap and outdated, but it kept me connected. That network is the key. It’s a way of never feeling lonely.

I guess I’m a little bit of an antisocial person. When I’m spending time with most people in meatspace, I feel a little out of sorts. I’d rather talk to someone via textual communication rather than face to face. Even the telephone doesn’t do it for me, because I’m a little underconfident flapping my gums at someone even when they aren’t in front of me.

Am I the only one who feels this way?

Out culture as a whole has a love affair with love.

I know, that’s a stupid fucking phrase to use, or it could be the best fucking turn of phrase to ever slither its way down my nervous system through my fingers and into a collection of ASCII characters. But it’s true. We can’t watch a movie, or read a book without some kind of romantic subplot wedged in there like the author was trying to balance their writing table, and half the time the pile of crap they wedge in there ends up tossing the whole shebang out the window and metamorphosing as so much horsecrap on the carpet. Most of the time anyway.

We can’t listen to top 40 radio or watch a music channel without seeing or hearing some whinging 20something writhing their way around something while lip syncing overproduced lyrics about how much they love (or as is invariably the case these days lust over) the boy/girl/creature of their dreams. An entire musical subculture – emo – has risen from the inability of some people to fathom that a girl (and it always is a girl) might leave them, causing them to get up on stage wearing sprayed on jeans and t-shirts and whine about loss and how they will never get over whoever (until of course the next time someone leaves them). Disclaimer, I like some emo, I probably know a lot more about the genre than you, I’m just working with the stereotype.

So, what does this mean? We have the concept of true love fired at us from all angles. We’re all taught from an early age that Prince Charming will come along and fuck the sleeping princess or whatever, and everyone will live happily ever after. Even though Mommy and Daddy hate each other and only see each other when it comes time to pass you on to the other, we still make googly-eyes at the girl with the budding boobies, hoping that high school romance will turn into marriage, just like on TV. Even those of us who have worked out that scoring a bit of booty every few nights and never talking to them again probably get the feeling that one day they will settle down with a single vagina, avoiding that messy escape route in the middle of the night.

I don’t know if I can say what love is. From what I know it’s meant to be all happy and squidgy and fun, meaning that we probably end up relating it to playdough. There’s nothing wrong with playdough, it’s fun. From the moment you make a blob with a couple extra blobs stuck to it and call it a racecar, to the time you’re sculpting a fairly realistic, if not to scale, portrayal of your own genitalia, it’ll never let you down. Not like love.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is fuck love. Don’t listen to the media producers and the sycophants. Go out, have fun, meet a companion. Hey, maybe you’ll find someone who makes you happy, and doesn’t end up annoying you so much after spending more than a few hours in their company that, hey, you could say you’re in love. But know that everything has a drastic possibility of changing, and live with it.
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Now playing: Mogwai – I’m Jim Morrison, I’m Dead